Angie, I have to really disagree with you on this one. Your whole argument is predicated on the longstanding notion that a woman’s worth as a potential life partner rests mostly or solely in her sexuality, and that all the good men are all so one-dimensional as to believe it.

A woman’s worth is not based on the number of sexual partners she’s had or the number of men she’s danced for. It’s based on her wholeness as a person, her initiative, her accountability, her compassion, her open-heartedness, her authenticity, her honesty, and her willingness to go beyond what is easy to do what is right. Sex is a part of that, yes, but even the sexual component has more to do with the qualities I just mentioned than it does with any particular standard of chastity. There is something really wrong with this idea that a woman is automatically damaged goods if she’s promiscuous or sexually voracious, and I would not want to be with any man who held such a worldview.

I don’t think that good men are so simple-minded as to make a judgment about the woman they are dating based solely on what she does or does not do in the bedroom. Men worth being with will look at the whole person they are with and find that person worth of love whether she had sex with them on the first date, the third, the 100th or for the first time on their wedding night.

Pole fitness as a sport claims to return women’s lost sense of self-worth, but arguments like these are not advancing your cause. Self-worth is about wholeness as a person, body, mind, and soul – a combination that is unique for each woman, indeed, for each human creature. That could mean chastity until marriage, a life of joyful debauchery, complete celibacy, or some combination of those practices and others throughout a lifetime.

I think we should give ourselves permission to dance – or not dance – for our romantic partners as we see fit. If they walk out on us or treat us with less respect because we have acted on our own adult desires, well…that’s the best “bad seed eliminator” you could ever have.

[...] this blog posting, “5 reasons why you shouldn’t dance for him!”, in which instructor Angi Caldwell writes: Well, here we are on the subject that comes up a lot and [...]

1. I do not have a boyfriend because I am looking for a husband.
2. What idiots do you date that think their girlfriend doing someting sexy for them means they are worthless.
3. I have a degree on Mathematics, training to be a teacher & pole dance for exercise, and when I show my moves to my boyfriend he is impressed, and respects me more for concentrating on something that I love, and that keeps me fit and trim, which he also appreciates.
4. I do not pole dance in front of other people, but of course I would do it for him….and why not, its only like putting on sexy undies…or dressing up as a nurse.

WOW! I guess this is a sensitive subject for many women! I would hate to be so misinterpreted! (see Teresa comment)
I guess you weren’t clear, you must have left out some things that seemed obvious to you, but needs clarifying for her. I love your style, and how you make pole dancing an intimate art. I think she’s confused…

Teresa,
Thank you for leaving your comment. I appreciate hearing your views on female sexuality. That being said your assumption that my 5 points were “predicated on the longstanding notion that a woman’s worth as a potential life partner rests mostly or solely in her sexuality, and that all the good men are all so one-dimensional as to believe it” makes no sense in light of the blog I wrote. I am not sure how you came to this opinion. It seems to me you are focusing a lot on pieces of point #2 and not on the blog as a whole. It is careless to take pieces of anything and use them to twist and distort the message. Perhaps you didn’t read the entire blog and are taking point 2 out of context? I do not believe that a woman’s worth is based solely on her sexuality or that men believe this. Like I said in point 2 “Contrary to popular belief a man’s brains are not located in his pants” and also “Long term decisions like getting married, commitment, or falling in love are made with his head and heart. You gotta respect that!” I believe that as women we have gained enormous freedoms as we should. I also believe that these freedoms are relatively new and some of us in the past and present (including myself) have used them in ways that hurt us and others. My blog is written as a 35 year old mother, wife, sister and business owner with lots of experience. It is my opinion and I stand firmly behind it no matter how others decide to pick it apart and twist it. This blog is written to women who are hungry to hear affirmation of what their own hearts have suspected for years. Who are tired of dating and giving themselves over quickly heart, soul and body to man after man only to have it end painfully. I am simply offering a non cultural/different view, and to me a valid option to what womens magazines and reality television offer.
my blog refers to the specific style of pole dancing I have been teaching here at Divine Movement which is intimate and personal. I am referring to pole dancing as a sexual precursor specifically.(I am also an avid supporter of pole as a sport and performance art i.e. Felix and Jenyne, Pantera and hope that it will gain respect and recognition as the sport and art it truly is)
Here are the pros and cons as I see them to becoming sexually involved while dating:
Cons:
1. Disease (sometimes life threatening)
2. Unwanted pregnancy
3. The closeness you feel from physical closeness is not true intimacy. This closeness can take the place of really getting to know someone and truly falling in love with the person.
3. Getting sexual and intimate before commitment creates releases hormones that make you high and cloud your judgment.
4. The pain of separation upon break up is intensified.
5. True intimacy and sexual compatibility are not based on the intense feeling you have when you are dating. Do you honestly think that because you have good sex while you are dating that this will determine a good marriage? How about a good and honest and caring friendship? What about trust? What about getting to know the person? (I am NOT saying good sex is not important to marriage!)
Pros:
1.It’s fun. It feels good.
2. You need to make sure you are sexually compatible. (my favorite!)
3.Makes you feel close. (all 3 points being related to instant gratification.)
My blog was certainly not written to try to uphold some “standard of chastity” as you said. It is out of love for healthy relationships and respect for marriage, women and men that I wrote this blog. I am sorry you don’t see it that way.
It is disturbing to me how casual sex has become. In our culture it has become the equivalent of simple physical function, such as a sneeze or an itch to be scratched, divorced from any spiritual or emotional value. On this I would encourage women to search their own hearts.
This blog is a real woman’s effort to help preserve the beauty and sanctity of female sexuality and it’s worth. But alas, the huge wave of cultural belief, misguided intellect and psycho babble threatens to overwhelm me. I stand firm in my opinion. Much love to all you soul sisters and brave women who are searching the depths of your own hearts for the truth! Much love and blessing to you Divine Dancers.
Teresa, it seems to me you are very politically correct and inline with today’s cultural beliefs. The ‘anything goes’, “whatever makes you feel good now’, personal gratification philosophy. I don’t subscribe to this philosophy and it hasn’t worked in my life or the lives of people I know. I hope we can agree to disagree on this subject. One thing we can agree on? Pole dancing rocks!

Pole dancing is the most amazing thing that has come into my life as of right now! It makes me feeel ike a women. Which is hard to do in our overly sexualized society. I get to feel like a women and be selfish… on my own time. I could not imagine shaaring this feeling with someone else. I’m not married. I don’t have a boyfriend. I could never dance for a guy if I didn’t know whether or not he would be there is my future. I mean, is he there for the present moment? Or to see my until my wrinkles come out?

The experience at Divine Movement, to me, is that of empowerment and confidence. I don’t want to waste that on my next ‘fling’… not worth my hard work to share that with anyone.

I am very old fashioned when it comes to sharing myself and what I choose to offer… To anybody.

When I first started going to the gym my boyfriend asked me did I join for him or for myself. I told him first and foremost myself. That me wanting to lose weight and get in back in shape wasn’t for him, it was for me and that he would just be lucky to see the end results. I’ve heard a lot that pole dancing is a great way to get in shape and tone so I signed up and started taking classes two days a week along with my normal gym routine. I haven’t been at it long. And I haven’t told my boyfriend yet either. Pole dancing helps me escape and has helped further break me out of my shell and feel more alive and more feminine. I don’t feel like I’m keeping a dirty secret from him either. I’m not going to amateur night at strip clubs it’s strictly for exercise and for me to have fun. Though, I do hope to one day show him a few of my moves. Me taking pole dancing classes isn’t something that many people know about aside from a few of my close girlfriends. He’s the only man I plan on dancing for when the time comes that my confidence allows for it. I don’t see a problem with women who take the classes dancing for the men that they love. Because that’s the keyword there: love.